Jill's Blog #5-Breasts are a Cultural Phenomenon

I remember when I was twelve years old with the physical attributes of a 16 year, and emotional maturity of a ten year old. I mourned over the loss of playground recess; one of the rites of passage of seventh graders. I would have given anything to be tearing around outside playing tag. (Throughout elementary school, recess was my favorite subject).

I distinctly remember pouring into a white cotton slip with a tiered full skirt. The excess material in the slip skirt bunched up under many of my dresses, but I thought it was worth it since the bodice flattened my breasts. The last thing I wanted was to draw attention to them. I remember my mom dragging me to the store to buy my first bra. I was totally embarrassed having to go into the dressing room to try it on. Breasts represented to me a loss of my childhood play and emotional territories I wasn’t yet ready to venture into.

After I graduated from college I headed to the Central African Republic with the Peace Corps. During our orientation, we were instructed on the importance of being sensitive to the cultural norms regarding dress. In the C.A.R. it was generally taboo for women to expose their legs. Even wearing pants, was considered exposure of the legs. I had to wear pants to ride my motorcycle to remote villages, but people made exceptions for me since I was Mungu (white). Interestingly, from the waist up, it was optional if women wore anything. During the child bearing years, many women were shirtless for easy breast-feeding of their infants. There was nothing taboo or forbidden about breasts. They were simply utilitarian food machines.

Fast forward ten years…I decided to breast feed Bryce, our first child. After some trials and tribulations getting started, I found it to be one of the more pleasant experiences I’ve had. While breast feeding, I was immersed in the moment and intimately connecting with my child. But, I also remember feeling ambivalent in my physical relationship with Todd, like I had to disassociate my maternal and sexual connection to my breasts. It makes me wonder if culturally, breasts became sexualized when many women stopped breast feeding and turned to bottle feeding.

Over the years, my breasts have been at the center of some very intense feelings. From rejection, acceptance, pleasure, nurturance, ambivalence, to a feeling of loss. It amazes me how this component of my anatomy has transcended my life experiences.